One Year

This post has been one year in the making. Some may believe that this post shouldn't be written but it's my blog!

One year ago next month my little brother told me he was gay.

I will always remember that because I felt like my whole world stopped. How selfish of me, right? Here was my 18 year old brother, looking me in the eyes telling me one of his deepest secrets and all I could think about was how it effected my life.

Over the year I feel like I have truly grown. I feel like I have become a better sister and over all person. I won't go into detail about how I struggled or how my family struggled (some members are still struggling). I did get over myself and started to look at things through my brother's eyes. When he came out he lost a lot of friends. Some of the people who had known my brother for years just abandoned him. He got many MANY lectures on what our church believes and how he was disobeying. To be honest, I was one of those people. I couldn't make the connection how to love and support my brother while still loving and supporting my church. It took me a year but I believe I have finally made the connection. The Lord wouldn't want you to abandon someone in their darkest hour or make them feel like an unworthy Child of God like so many did to my brother. He would want you to remain a friend and be supportive and helpful.

I love my brother so much. My brother is still the same person he has always been. He is still loving, caring, and generous to everyone he meets. He would give the shirt off his back for anyone. I know he has not had an easy life and I know he will have many struggles to face. But we all have our struggles and our trials to face in this life. I am happy that my brother can finally be who he really is. And no matter what, I will be there for him.

I am still working through some thoughts and feelings on this matter. And of course I'm not posting every detail of what's going on. Some may find it hard for me to support my brother and the church at the same time. But I have been praying my heart out and I know what I am doing is right. This is what is right for me and my brother's relationship right now. I hope everyone can look within their hearts and see what I see when I look at my brother. While he still has a long way to go, he is just someone looking to love and be loved. He wants to live a life that he believes in and not a false one. I hope my brother understands what I am saying and has seen my growth and change over the year.

I love my gay brother!

Mother's Day 2012

So our Mother's day this year was a little off because the girls and I were in Vegas and didn't get home until 4pm on Mother's day. But Steven did not disappoint me! We pulled up to the house and Steven was gone! He showed up within 10 mins with a fabulous meal from Carrabbas and it was yummy! And it was just so nice to be home with him. He unloaded the car and helped me unpack and it was so nice to have my other half! Then he had me sit on the couch and he played/ sang me a song he wrote while I was gone. Thats why I married a musician! It was a wonderful song, brought me to tears! I'll have to share the lyrics some day. I also got new running shoes that I got while in Vegas. Not that I run but the current shoes I was wearing on my walks were from my freshmen year of high school!! I tried to run track for about 2 mins and decided it wasn't for me. Ya know, exercise and I don't really get along.

So this weekend we decided to go check out the new City Creek mall as part of Mother's day. Steven has been going there almost daily with his work for lunch and knew that that I really wanted to go. It was fun to walk around and check it out. Lily liked the water they had every where. Then Steven showed us the building where he works and we walked over to the temple and visitors center.

All and all I was just happy to be home on mother's day! I was sad I didn't make it to church but I was happy to be back with my family! I hope everyone else has a good day too.

Audrey: 2 Months

My baby is growing so fast! I forgot how fast they go from from newborns to babies (if that makes any sense).

She had her 2 month check up and here are her stats:

Weight
- 2 Months: 11.31 lbs (53.46%) vs. Birth Weight 7.8 lbs
Length
- 2 Months: 23.8 inches (95.71%) vs. Birth Length 20.5 inches
Head Circumference
- 2 Months: 15.1 inches (56.92%)

- She likes her binky but she doesn't like to sleep with it or need it a lot. But she will take it.
- Tummy time is going well, but she can't really hold her head all the way up yet.
- Even though she can't hold her head up during tummy time she loves to try to keep herself up when we are holding her or in the stroller.
- She loves her car seat, stroller, swing, and even her high chair!
- I started putting her in our high chair so she can see me while I'm in the kitchen. Then I just wheel her around where ever I go!
- She is just finishing up a box of size 1 and then it's on to size 2 diapers.
- She is getting so alert and aware of her surroundings. Whenever she hears a loud noise, she turns her head that direction. She is reaching for the toys on her mobile, hanging on her car seat bar, and toys that Lily hands her.
- She is an amazing sleeper! Last feeding around 9 and not a peep from her until 7-8. Sometimes she will wake wake up around 6 but then go right back to sleep until 9!
- I lay her in her crib wide awake and she falls asleep all on her own. It's amazing! No nursing her to sleep!
- Nursing is still going well, she eats probably every 3-4 hours during the day. Sometimes 2 if we are heading out the door and I won't be able to feed her for a few hours.
- I'm still pumping and she is still taking a bottle!
- She recognizes my voice and Lily's and lights up when we talk.
- She focuses on your face when you talk.
- Her eyes are still super light, instead of the gray color they are almost a blue!
- Her hair still sticks up down the center and it's a nice soft brown color.
- She loves bath time and getting her diaper changed.
- She is so calm and such a good baby. She doesn't spit up as much anymore and isn't having a blowout as often as she was before. She is great at burping after she eats!
- She got 3 shots and she took the shots well but now her legs are in major pain. I remember this when Lily got her 2 month shots- hopefully the rest of her shots go well!

Home Again Home Again

Well we finally made it home! The trip back went so much better than the trip there. We made one stop in Cedar City, we ate at Cafe Rio and hung out for a bit. Even though it was Mother's Day, I decided to come home a day early so Steven would actually be home when we pulled out. His internship has him leaving for work around 6:45 am and home around 7:15 pm. I'll blog about my Mother's Day later.

Our trip was fun! My sister Stacey flew in from Texas for the weekend, my sister Amanda colored my hair, the girls and I visited my mom at work and my brother and my nephew got baptized, we went to my nephew's baseball game and my nieces soccer game. And my brother and I removed all the wall paper in his room and painted it. And it wouldn't be a Bradshaw visit if we didn't eat a lot! Two of my best friends are getting married this summer so we will be back to Vegas a lot this summer!

Lily: 26 Months

She has totally grown up over the last month! Oh my gosh, I am just shocked at the progress she has made. It probably will sound like the same things I posted about last month but it's when you are the one experiencing it, you really notice her progress and growth.

- She knows her ABCs so well. She can sing the song, identify all the letters, and make their sounds.
- She knows her colors really well, not as well as her ABCs though.
- She can count to 10 and identify all the numbers.
- She is forming sentences, before she was just forming 3-4 word phrases.
- Along with sentences, communication has gotten so much better! She tells me when she is hungry and wants food or to play with a puzzle.
- She loves to play outside and is always asking to play outside. Wish we had our own fenced in yard!
- Lily still is a daddy's girl!
- She has gotten a bit more picky with what she eats and openly tells me when she doesn't want something or rather have a snack!
- We are struggling with nap times right now. I hope she isn't over nap time already. She just barely turned 2! I need her nap time to relax and catch up on housework.
- Her vocabulary is growing! She is learning new words everyday and has a better understanding what the words mean. She can use most of the words correctly when she talks.
- Her understanding of concepts is growing like crazy! I can give her instructions and she knows exactly what I said and knows what to do!
- She is so helpful around the house. She helps puts all her toys away and listens so well.
- She is still loving Audrey. She usually calls Audrey baby but has lately been trying to say Audrey.
- She knows her name is Lily, she says "I am Lily"
- She is getting good manners like saying sorry, thank you, and please
- She is finally saying I love you
- She loves "sharing" with Audrey. She usually just throws toys in Audrey's crib or swing.
- She goes to nursery and doesn't look back! She used to want us to stay and "play" with her.
- Lately she has loved to cuddle and wants me to give her hugs all the time,
- She is obsessed with juice right now. It there is no juice then she wants water and milk is pretty rare for her to want.
- She rather hang out with "older" kids over kids her age. I don't know how to explain it but she rather follow around the 10 year olds than 2 year olds. Maybe because all of her cousins are older.
- She hates getting dirty and alway wants me to wash her hands.
- She loves blocks- stacking them and knocking them down.
- And puzzles are still her favorite thing ever!
- She is so sweet and caring. You know at the end of The incredibles when the bad guy tries to take Jack-Jack? Well Lily freaks out every time and cries for the baby! She says "No no baby! Oh no!"
- She understands sad, happy, angry, and other emotions.
- She tells me when she poops or pees and lays in the floor so I can't change it. Sounds like time to potty train, huh?
- She even says thank you after I change her diaper!

Weight Watchers Follow Up

Weight watchers hasn't been as rewarding as I thought. Yes, I tracked my points religiously and did see some change but I decided chocolate was more important. Call it lack of will power but dieting is no way to live! Even if I lost all the weight I wanted, I wouldn't enjoy dieting the rest of my life to maintain it. I'm going to explore other options. And to celebrate, I had Dunkin Donuts for breakfast!

No, no, no- I'm not going to just eat a bunch of crap now, WW did teach me how to eat less and not to "graze" as much. But I wasn't happy dieting. I'm already having a hard enough time right now and trying to diet isn't helping. I am not giving up and I'm not saying I won't ever diet or won't lose the weight. I just need a break or something. It's hard to explain how dieting and me being happy are related but it makes totally sense to me. I am still going to track what I eat just to make I'm not gorging myself but I won't beat myself up for eating a treat here or there.

We will see how it goes. I can't have it all- eat whatever I want and be skinny, those high school days are over! I need to see what is most important to me. Maybe there is a happy medium.

I started on March 18 and have lost 10.4 lbs up to today. Which sounds pretty good since WW says you plan on 1-2 lbs a week. But majority of that was weight from having a baby, like still be swollen and such. I know losing weight takes time, but remember, it's my happiness I'm worried about- not the size of my jeans!

Wish me luck, I hope I can't figure something out!

Worst Road Trip EVER

First off, we made it safe and sound to fabulous Las Vegas last night. But it was by far one of the worst road trips ever. I was actually supposed to do the drive with just me and the girls but the day before I left my little brother was able to fly up and drive home with me. Thank you Justin for splitting the air fare with me!

Before Steven and I had kids the drive would take 5 hours, max! We would take literally no stops unless it was an emergency like to fill up with gas or major bathroom break. My brother was in SLC and was taking the Trax down to Sandy so I wouldn't have to drive all the way to SLC and back. So Steven and the girls and I packed the car up and left for Sandy at 2:45. We got lost a little trying to find the Trax station and by the time we dropped Steven back off at home, stopped at McDonald's for food, Jason and I didn't hit the road until 5 UT time which was 4 Vegas time. So by that time the girls had already been in the car 2+ hours and we hadn't even really started the trip yet!

I wanted to drive until Cedar City and make a stop at our sister's house. That would have been a good place to stop and feed Audrey and let Lily play with her cousins. Plus Cedar is half way. Well we weren't so lucky. Not even 2 hours into the trip Lily and Audrey were screaming. Audrey needed to eat again since the last time I feed was 2:30. First stop was Fillmore. But at least it had a park and nicer gas station.

Back on the road! We were 100 miles from Cedar and by the time the exits came up for my sister's house the girls were asleep so we decided to keep driving since we had just stopped an hour ago. Well, not more than 5 mins after passing her exits, Audrey starts to scream in pain! I know it was pain because by the time we got to the next exit and pulled over, she was sitting in a pool of poop! She only poops every other day so when she finally poops, it's a whole lot of pure liquid! So here we are, middle of no where (literally) in a town called New Harmony. At this old gas station. I take Audrey in (poop is dripping every where) and their restrooms have no changing tables or even space next to the stink. So back outside we went and I has to change poor Audrey on a table in the parking lot! Needless to say by this point I was crying! I was so tired, Lily was sick of her car seat and Audrey still needed to eat and it was getting dark and I was scared of this gas station! Thank goodness my brother was there to take care of Lily while I took care of Audrey. And then while I'm trying to nurse in the car,the gas station creepy lady attendant comes outside to smoke and watches me!

After that disaster we finally hit the road again. And guess what, Lily complains she is hungry! And all I have is fruit snacks and junk food in the car. I got her chicken nuggets earlier but she didn't eat them. So I give her crackers and pretzels, trying not to fill her up on the candy in the car. This poor girl refused her nap that day and hasn't fallen asleep the whole car ride yet and it was 9 pm Utah time.

In the end, we pulled into my parents drive way a little after 10 pm. The girls and I started in the car around 2:45 so it was a long day for us. But it was worth it because my parents were there to greet us and they are really amazing parents. And of course their dog Thomas! My dad is so sweet. He knows I like to sleep with the fans on and in a cold room so he already had all the fans going in the room for me so it was cold. And he turned down the bed for me and carried all my luggage up stairs for me.

The trip wasn't all that bad but I'm just worried to do the trip back to Utah alone. I'm still adjusting to two kids. I haven't even gone grocery shopping alone with the kids yet. I don't know what I would have done without my brother there. He drove the whole way for me which helped so much. I was pretty much in the back the whole time trying to take care of the girls. Before we left Steven got me portable DVD player screens for the car which saved me! Aside from being hungry, Lily watched movies the whole time.

I'm shocked Lily was still awake and bouncing off the walls. We all finally went to sleep around midnight. And thankfully Audrey only got up once and Lily slept through the night. So here we are in fabulous Las Vegas! My sister from Texas is flying in tonight for the weekend and I'm excited to see the rest of my family. Yay! Let's party!

Side Note: I forgot my wedding ring, my toothbrush and Lily's toothbrush and my swimsuit. My teeth are super furry right now!